Woman of the Year

Magazines in a grocery store are strategically placed at the checkout stands to get people to purchase their drivel impulsively.  Britney Is Fat!  Guess Who Has Cellulite!  Bat Boy Runs For President!  To say the magazines placed at the checkout stands are of a lesser quality would be an understatement.  I Lost 87 Pounds Eating Nothing But My Own Poop!  But every once in a while one of these disasters of journalism displays a cover that is so unabashedly stupid I feel an anger well up inside me like so many balloons at a latex fetish party.

Pictured:  Kinky sex.

 

 

 

People Magazine have named their Woman of the Year for 2010 as Sandra Bullock.  Let's run down Sandra's achievements for this year:

- Won the Oscar for Best Actress for her role in The Blind Side (a cheesy, sticky sweet Disney yawn fest about a Southern woman with a heart of gold who blah blah blah I'm bored already.)

- Realized her dirtbag husband was cheating on her with a dirtbag stripper/Nazi

- Divorced her dirtbag husband

That's it.  Sandra Bullock has been named People's Woman of the Year because her dirtbag husband cheated on her and it was public as shit.  Fuck the Oscar win, that has no bearing on her winning this coveted prize.  People clearly named her their Woman of the Year because of the strife she went through in her personal life as a way to pander even more to their demographic of bored housewives.  Sandra Bullock married a dirtbag and then she and everyone else were surprised when that dirtbag turned out to be, gasp!  A fucking dirtbag!

Here's a tip lades; don't fucking get together with dirtbags.  Leave the dirtbags to each other, they belong together.  Sandra Bullock is a nice, pretty lady who probably enjoys bubble baths and petting kittens.  Jesse James is dirty scrub who is into hot rods, motorcycles, tattoos and sexually transmitted diseases.  These people do not match.  Jesse James no doubt found Sandra hot and wanted to fuck her.  And he did.  But then he made the mistake of marrying her.  She knew and he knew that the two of them weren't right for each other.  She knew he was a dirtbag.  He knew he would get bored of Sandra's plain jane personality and looks.  A few years down the road and boom, Jesse James is caught fucking some ghoul with swastikas tattooed on her kneecaps.  

Jesse James is a dirtbag, I've used that word more than enough times, but let's be clear:  he knew what he was.  Sandra Bullock is a dipshit who married a dirtbag, no doubt thinking she could change him, and then had the gall to act offended and surprised when he cheated on her.  This was a foregone conclusion and going along with his character, Jesse James was soon after dating Kat Von D.  Kat Von D, Michelle McGee (his original mistress) and Sandra Bullock look nothing alike, just so you know.  Two of them have tattoos on their necks, can you guess which one doesn't?

Poor Sandra Bullock.  Married a dirtbag who likes to fuck tattooed chicks with pierced clits when she doesn't have tattoos or metal in her vagina at all.  And for this, she is People Magazine's 2010 Woman of the Year.  Congratulations!

A Christmas Carol I can enjoy

I don't like Christmas.  Moving on, here's a Christmas Carol I can actually enjoy and endorse:

Funny Or Die

Anyone that knows me well knows I'm not a religious person.  Not just that, I straight up despise religion and see it for what it is; a waste of human thought and a scourge to our society.  This picture sums up my thoughts on religion rather succinctly: 
 

You don't want to know how many dick photos I had to go through to find a "good enough" picture.

Why do I feel this way?  Between the antiquated beliefs holding society and science back, to those same beliefs causing the persecution of women, homosexuals, "coloured" people, non-believers, etc., I feel there are more than enough reasons that I shouldn't have to explain myself.  And judging by that photo up there it's pretty obvious I'm not always so awesome at forming my thoughts and explanations into words.  I read a nice article today about the subject of not believing and why and I'd like to share it here.

Why religious believers are so desperate for the atheist seal of approval

Not all believers are desperate for this so-called seal of approval, but the writer of this article explains exactly who she's talking about right away.  Read it, she's a better writer than I.

lol the pope has a penis in his face!

lol aids

Fantastic news today about HIV and AIDS and combating the disease and such and such but the way the media is reporting the story is a bit suspect:


Pill Prevents HIV In Gay Men

Here's a tip:  gay men and straight men are basically the same genetically.  Being straight doesn't somehow magically make this pill ineffective.  So a young gay man that doesn't yet fully realize he's gay wouldn't be able to get the benefits from this pill?  By reading the article one learns that gay men with HIV and AIDS are the ones generally receiving these pills as part of their treatment, but the headline is misleading and only helps to compartmentalize a part of the human population instead of treating them as humans period.

As a great man once said, "People are people so why should it be that you and I should get along so awfully?"

Maybe "great man" was a bit of a stretch.  But I bet he could really use this pill.

OH NOESSSS!!!

Huge news!

NME is reporting that My Chemical Romance's latest album, their fourth, could be their last!  Speaking with the Sunday Times, lead singer Gerard Way said that the album "could be our last big adventure - that's why we had to make it again, that's why blah blah blah blah blah."

Look at those retards.  My god, man.

While this could turn out to be incredible news if that emo douchebag is telling the truth, one has to wonder what the world did to deserve four albums from My Chemical Romance.

You know what's a hundred times better than My Chemical Romance?  This:

Real Music.

If my cat were a member of a political Islamic fascist organization that organization's name would be Fuzzbollah.

I have XM radio in my car and one of my presets is the METAL STATION!!!!  Metal bands sometimes have hilarious names.  I thought it would be neat to draw pictures in MS Paint based on silly metal band names.  Here is the first one.  The band is called Kataklysm:

Anger Rant Mad Time!

I fucking hate umbrellas and with a couple of exceptions I fucking hate the people that use them.  My top three most hated umbrella users:

1.  Umbrella users who don't move out of the way.  You're the one carrying the multi-pronged eye gouger, why should I have to shimmy, juke and spin my way down the sidewalk to avoid having an eye turned into a shish-kabob?  You're carrying the the thing that makes your personal space two feet wider in diameter, you fucking move.

2.  Umbrella users who walk under awnings.  Isn't the point of an umbrella that it covers your head?  You're fucking carrying a hand-held mobile awning!  Get out into the rain and put your umbrella to the use it was designed for and leave the awnings for sensible people like me.

3.  Lone umbrella users with over-sized umbrellas.  We've all seen them.  The single person, with a body type that can usually be described as 'petite', walking underneath an umbrella the size of a goddamn sports arena.  I didn't know the Pontiac Silverdome was mobile.  What is the reason for this?  Oh right, I know; the bigger the umbrella the MORE CHANCE OF IT GOUGING OUT MY FUCKING EYEBALLS!

You know what I do in the rain?  I wear a waterproof coat and a hood.  There.  Problem solved.  And isn't the worst part about being in the rain having wet feet?  An umbrella doesn't save your feet from getting wet.  You splash water all over when you walk and each step you take takes your feet outside of the holy radius of dryness (unless of course if you're using an over-sized umbrella in which case entire city blocks are kept dry as you move down the street).  Umbrellas always break, they turn inside out, the button that extends them stops working and always, without fail, you will leave your umbrella somewhere at some point and lose it. 

When it rains I don't fear getting wet.  I fear my cardio because it's not up to par enough to dodge and dance around all the morons and their goddamn umbrellas every time I need to fucking walk somewhere!

Every year Halloween for girls means one thing:  taking a character type (cop, pilot, professional sportsman, dentist) and making it "sexy".  In other words, Halloween is a chance for girls to dress like their inner whore and not be made fun of for it, and there seems to be an unlimited amount of characters or professions one can make "sexy" (maid, school teacher, various animals, janitor).

Well girls, howsabout this year dressing up as Sexy Winston Churchill?

 The morning after D-Day.