I ventured into the new Vancouver Canucks Team Store on Robson Street recently because, hey, I'm a Canucks sucker fan. I thought maybe I'd be able to purchase some sweet new gear for a decent price, like a cool player name t-shirt, or maybe some fancy fridge magnets or something. I'm a sucker for paraphernalia, what can I say? Upon entering the store I was greeted by this man:
Such a happy fellow.
I should have known better expecting anything inexpensive (or at least fair) price-wise but I had hope. Those hopes were dashed rather quickly when I looked at the tag for a t-shirt. It wasn't an overly fancy t-shirt; it had the old "Skate" logo and some edgy designs and shit on it, but it didn't look like it was made with golden thread or anything. $45 said the price tag. "It must be sewn together using the hair from maidens of virtue true," I thought to myself. Checking out a few more items and yep, all inflated prices. There were some inexpensive t-shirts, but of course they were plain fabric with a plain logo, no creativity. Like the kind of clothing items you get free in a case of beer.
What a load of horseshit! While I don't agree, I can understand the inflation of prices for merchandise in the arena. You've got the poor saps in the doors now if they want gear they'll have to bend to your greedy whim. Makes sense. But arena prices at an outlet? Do I at least get a reach around with my third-world-made piece of fabric?
The problem in Vancouver is most of the idiot fans would buy a piece of dog shit if it had an official Canucks logo printed on it (stamped into it?). And that's why the prices are so high. Tickets to pre-season games bottomed out at $60. $60 to sit in the nose bleeds and watch Aaron Volpatti lead the charge on the first line?! Fuck you!
Anyway, I decided to write a radio spot for the Vancouver Team Store, an ad that's a little more honest than the ones currently on the air:
