Anger Rant Mad Time!

I fucking hate umbrellas and with a couple of exceptions I fucking hate the people that use them.  My top three most hated umbrella users:

1.  Umbrella users who don't move out of the way.  You're the one carrying the multi-pronged eye gouger, why should I have to shimmy, juke and spin my way down the sidewalk to avoid having an eye turned into a shish-kabob?  You're carrying the the thing that makes your personal space two feet wider in diameter, you fucking move.

2.  Umbrella users who walk under awnings.  Isn't the point of an umbrella that it covers your head?  You're fucking carrying a hand-held mobile awning!  Get out into the rain and put your umbrella to the use it was designed for and leave the awnings for sensible people like me.

3.  Lone umbrella users with over-sized umbrellas.  We've all seen them.  The single person, with a body type that can usually be described as 'petite', walking underneath an umbrella the size of a goddamn sports arena.  I didn't know the Pontiac Silverdome was mobile.  What is the reason for this?  Oh right, I know; the bigger the umbrella the MORE CHANCE OF IT GOUGING OUT MY FUCKING EYEBALLS!

You know what I do in the rain?  I wear a waterproof coat and a hood.  There.  Problem solved.  And isn't the worst part about being in the rain having wet feet?  An umbrella doesn't save your feet from getting wet.  You splash water all over when you walk and each step you take takes your feet outside of the holy radius of dryness (unless of course if you're using an over-sized umbrella in which case entire city blocks are kept dry as you move down the street).  Umbrellas always break, they turn inside out, the button that extends them stops working and always, without fail, you will leave your umbrella somewhere at some point and lose it. 

When it rains I don't fear getting wet.  I fear my cardio because it's not up to par enough to dodge and dance around all the morons and their goddamn umbrellas every time I need to fucking walk somewhere!