Woman of the Year

Magazines in a grocery store are strategically placed at the checkout stands to get people to purchase their drivel impulsively.  Britney Is Fat!  Guess Who Has Cellulite!  Bat Boy Runs For President!  To say the magazines placed at the checkout stands are of a lesser quality would be an understatement.  I Lost 87 Pounds Eating Nothing But My Own Poop!  But every once in a while one of these disasters of journalism displays a cover that is so unabashedly stupid I feel an anger well up inside me like so many balloons at a latex fetish party.

Pictured:  Kinky sex.

 

 

 

People Magazine have named their Woman of the Year for 2010 as Sandra Bullock.  Let's run down Sandra's achievements for this year:

- Won the Oscar for Best Actress for her role in The Blind Side (a cheesy, sticky sweet Disney yawn fest about a Southern woman with a heart of gold who blah blah blah I'm bored already.)

- Realized her dirtbag husband was cheating on her with a dirtbag stripper/Nazi

- Divorced her dirtbag husband

That's it.  Sandra Bullock has been named People's Woman of the Year because her dirtbag husband cheated on her and it was public as shit.  Fuck the Oscar win, that has no bearing on her winning this coveted prize.  People clearly named her their Woman of the Year because of the strife she went through in her personal life as a way to pander even more to their demographic of bored housewives.  Sandra Bullock married a dirtbag and then she and everyone else were surprised when that dirtbag turned out to be, gasp!  A fucking dirtbag!

Here's a tip lades; don't fucking get together with dirtbags.  Leave the dirtbags to each other, they belong together.  Sandra Bullock is a nice, pretty lady who probably enjoys bubble baths and petting kittens.  Jesse James is dirty scrub who is into hot rods, motorcycles, tattoos and sexually transmitted diseases.  These people do not match.  Jesse James no doubt found Sandra hot and wanted to fuck her.  And he did.  But then he made the mistake of marrying her.  She knew and he knew that the two of them weren't right for each other.  She knew he was a dirtbag.  He knew he would get bored of Sandra's plain jane personality and looks.  A few years down the road and boom, Jesse James is caught fucking some ghoul with swastikas tattooed on her kneecaps.  

Jesse James is a dirtbag, I've used that word more than enough times, but let's be clear:  he knew what he was.  Sandra Bullock is a dipshit who married a dirtbag, no doubt thinking she could change him, and then had the gall to act offended and surprised when he cheated on her.  This was a foregone conclusion and going along with his character, Jesse James was soon after dating Kat Von D.  Kat Von D, Michelle McGee (his original mistress) and Sandra Bullock look nothing alike, just so you know.  Two of them have tattoos on their necks, can you guess which one doesn't?

Poor Sandra Bullock.  Married a dirtbag who likes to fuck tattooed chicks with pierced clits when she doesn't have tattoos or metal in her vagina at all.  And for this, she is People Magazine's 2010 Woman of the Year.  Congratulations!